Marriage Counselling and Couples Counselling

Couples who are running into difficulties or who wish to achieve a higher level of intimacy and joy in their relationships, may choose to work with an individual counsellor together using their homework to speak privately with the counsellor. Or you may wish (especially if tension is high) to work separately, alternating weeks. Much of our Couples Counselling and Marriage Counselling work is in line with principles explained by Harville Hendrix in his book "Getting the Love You Want." Your relationship will change as each of you comes to understand both yourself and your partner, especially the "Wounded Child" who surfaces during upsets between you. As you learn better ways to heal your own trauma, discover your own distinctive emotional patterns which persist through life and address your own and your partner's needs and feelings. You will see a shift in the relationship. Of course, to repair a damaged relationship you will need to acknowledge all major hurts that you have inflicted on each other (mostly unconsciously). Progress requires a sincere effort to understand the pain we have caused each other. It is also important to understand your partners' old trauma that preceded you because it is probably still part of the problem. Forgiveness for old hurts is possible when we realize that we too are not without flaws and weaknesses, though they usually turn out to be very different from what we envisioned them to be. Examples of this might be the husband who tried very hard to be the best possible husband by being an excellent provider but missed out on the emotional responsibilities of marriage, or the wife who was so busy being a "good girl" and keeping everyone happy, that she missed the part about being a grown up equal partner, who is fifty percent responsible for all decision making and judgment calls in the family. When they see that their partner does want to be helpful and not hurtful, and is willing to put out effort to learn how to do that, couples can often grow big enough to forgive old hurts. To heal a relationship is to grow spiritually.